What LittleNars did during blog hiatus…
Just to give you an update regarding my master of arts in nursing studies at University of the Philippines Open University…
This semester was a series of ups and downs… I want to give you some excerpts of my monthly diary since the start of the semester just to give you a glimpse of what I was doing the whole time I am not blogging…
Work is also demanding, our hospital census was also high and I always come home with exhaustion. I wasn’t able to follow the submission dates in my learning contract and I am a week late again for the journal review and patient symptomatology, it is a bit frustrating, I must hurry but I don’t want to submit work without quality, I am taking my time… one step at a time (but not so much.) I say, PUSH.
The semester is very short for the demands of the subject. I mean, how could you possibly submit requirements weekly, do your work, be a friend, a partner, daughter, sister and more all at the same time without fail… I must be a superhuman if so… Another week has passed and the work is piling up. December really is a “toxic” month especially that it is the holiday season. Still, I will not give up and will fight stress. May God give me the strength and wisdom to fulfill all these.
I must admit, I gave in to my social life and neglected my studies. This is also a week of me having thoughts and was on the verge of dropping out because it seems that I cannot cope up with the requirements, the works seems to be eating me alive when I think of it. I cannot sleep or concentrate very well. I think of school despite of those party times with friends and family
My classmates were also planning of dropping out and some dropped out already. I was very down and confused. As I reflected and thought of it, with the help of my mom’s advice, prayers to God and encouragement of my friends, I realized that it is not in my personality to give up easily. I am almost there… On the other note, I am also thinking of the money and time I will waste if I decided to drop this course and so… I did not and here I am now, cramming and bouncing back up again towards finishing my masters.
Christmas is just around the corner and I am still here swarming with readings and paper works. Nevertheless, I accept it because this is what I wanted and this is where I wanted to be.
It was like, I froze in doing what I needed to do. I was exhausted yet again. I was emotional at the start of the year with having a baggage to bring from year 2012. It was not a good start for me because I was really questioning myself to a point of regretting what I started, which is of course taking this masters degree. I mean, this feeling is expected especially when you are in a lot of pressure with all the aspect of your life and thinking that you are still young (23 years old) and you should be having fun instead of being serious about studying once again, I mean? I just got out of school. That mentality made me paralyzed and I hope the coming week would give me some motivation and hopefully find my eager and productive self once again.
On the other side, it seems to me that no matter what pressure and constant reminding of others and my own self, I seem to work slower and feel more demotivated. I don’t know what’s happening but I seriously want to finish this. I told myself to take one baby step at a time, as long as I am accomplishing something I am doing something to finish all these requirements.
I don’t know if you experienced it, but I am always in a dilemma of opening my laptop and staring at a blank word document for hours because I don’t know how to start and where to start with all the needed things to do. I am starting to get a feeling that every diary entry is a rant for the things to do rather the things to accomplish and I am sorry with that.
For all the requirements, I felt that two weeks is short. I hope we all can finish everything and I am already looking forward to that. Our meeting ended at 6:30PM, that was how long we discussed and brainstormed. It was draining because we have our own requirements to make and we also have to be as a team to be able to finish other requirements. I am worried but I promised myself that I will not end the last practicum experience without accomplishing everything.
The true beauty of this profession is seeing your patients get well after having been admitted for a long time that you thought they won’t surpass their health’s decline. When you see them appreciate you and commended you for your good and competent work, that is when you feel rewarded personally and professionally. We, nurses know for a fact that our profession doesn’t have a great pay but it’s the patient’s good feedback that counts the most.
This week is a busy week. I honestly don’t know if I can finish this all in 2 weeks and I only got 1 week left. I just got to trust God and myself in fulfilling this endeavour for all I know, everything that is gained through hard work has a good outcome if not now but in the near future.
Health is ever changing. It is very complex as the person, family or community we care for. We as nurses should also take part in continuing education endeavors. What I really appreciate in this practicum is to how I can identify the difference in our institution/hospital versus the culture at UP-PGH as well as the UPCN.
Old routine can be proven ineffective nowadays through related studies. Since we are in a private hospital, we should possess and implement excellent and ideal nursing care to our patients. We would like for patients to come back because of good nursing and medical management right? And not only for the facilities and machines.
I realized that it is not easy to be a teacher especially that you are dealing with the life and the future of the students. You need to be an expert in your own specialty and possess the right way of dealing with the students. You not only to be knowledgeable with the curriculum available but also knowledgeable to make one and implement one according to the standards. I also learned about self-discovery learning. I was so used to “spoon feeding” method of learning even though we were already in college. I just learned to acquire it when I enrolled at UPOU.
All my objectives were met and I am glad that duty days are over. We will all go back to our normal lives as an overworked and underpaid staff nurse. I will surely miss this and the company of my classmates… now friends! Let’s get this requirements finished PRONTO!
The above are fragments of my weekly diary entries as a requirement for the semester. They are not really meant to be related as it is shown in this blog post. Pardon for those who became confused.
I would like to thank Dean Araceli Balabagno, Professor Rita Ramos and Professor Ina Ragotero for all the knowledge, continuous follow-up and the opportunity of learning. We couldn’t have reached this point without you. I will forever be grateful.
Dear readers, sorry for so much drama. This was indeed a very emotional semester in my UPOU life.