www.littlenars.com | Dianne Peña

What to do when you wait for Operating Room and Delivery Room Cases at the wee hours of the night—or morning should I say?

playing BLUFF

Roe, PLaying Jackstone LOL!

playing pick-up sticks

after playing Hi Jack...

I know, it’s illegal but what can we do right? We could sleep but some of us, including me can’t sleep properly…

Lyne, mastering her skills at sleeping... LOL!

as well as Llanah...=p

For the third time, our group was assigned at Rizal Provincial Hospital only this time, we are at the OR/DR. During this rotation, (sad but true) was my first time at really performing the “handle”— the one who will catch the head of the baby and deliver the placenta. Though, I haven’t got the chance to catch the head because I don’t know what to do and the baby’s head was already out, I was the one who delivered the placenta. It was easy though the gush of blood stained by OR shoes and scrub suit. Waaaah!!! Nevertheless, it was a great experience. At least, I experienced that before I graduate…=p

with our clinical instructor

Another thing was, our group experienced our first mortality. Though, it really wasn’t our fault and the hospital itself, the baby was delivered dead already. It’s a condition called Intrauterine Fetal Death wherein the baby died inside the mother’s womb. It’s really heart-breaking to see the baby violet-colored, cold, unresponsive. He was just covered with white cloth on his side, lying in his own arms. I want him revived but there’s no resuscitation done because he was already dead probably hours before his delivery. My other group mate even cried. It was really sad.

During my DR completion last summer, I was able to observe a baby being resuscitated for almost 15 minutes because I will do the cord care. My heart stop as well as my breathing because the baby has no reaction to stimuli. Good thing, with constant compression, hyperventilating and suctioning, the baby was revived. As soon as he was revived, my breathing resumed and my heart started to pump.

I don’t want to see a baby dying as much as possible. I want them to live. After killing the baby during our VINES exposure, I’ll definitely make it good!

P.S: Pleasssseee… don’t tell this to the authority… or else… we’ll bite you and kill you with our venom ’cause we’re a PAITON snake (one of my group mate’s surname)… LOL!

.....hisssssssss.....

Dahil wala pa akong OR case, at panay circulating nurse ang drama ko, napagod ako sa kakatayo at kakaikot sa kalawakan ng operating room sa Jose R. Reyes Memorial Medical Center (sa totoo lang, nakakahiyang maupo sa OR na iyan o dahil wala rin talagang upuan hehehe), inaya ko ang isa kong ka-grupo upang maupo, kumaen at magkwentuhan sa OR lounge.

Nang may isang mamang may tungkod ang biglang nagtanong saamin, “Nursing student ba kayo? o Student Nurse?” Napatingin ako sa kanya dahil akala ko kung sinong tauhan lamang sa ospital na iyon. Napangiti ako at sinagot ko sa kanya na may kawirdohan na tono, “Opo, parehas lang po iyon…” Lingid sa kaalaman ko na isa pala siyang doktor sa buto (napaka-ironic hindi ba? dahil mayroon siyang kapansanan sa paa…) tinawag siya ng isang nars at doon lang namin nalaman na, “ay doktor pala siya…”. Sinabi niya saamin na mayroong pagkakaiba ang dalawang tanong niya saamin at sabihin ko daw sa kanya ang sagot pagkabalik niya…

Nag-isip kaming mabuti ng aking kagrupo habang nagtatawanan. Naisip namin na ang “NURSING STUDENT ay ang isang estudyante na nag-aaral ng nursing sa loob ng apat na poste ng silid-aralan samantalang ang STUDENT NURSE ay isang estudyante na ginagamit sa ospital ang kanyang napag-aralan sa apat na poste ng silid-aralan”. May sense hindi ba? Sabay apir naming dalawa.

Nang bumalik si doc, tuwang-tuwa kaming sabihin sa kanya an gaming naisip. Pinakinggan niya kami ngunit mali daw ang aming sagot. Kinulit namin siya para sa sagot dahil tiyak hindi kami makakatulog pag nagkataon.

Ang sabi niya…

“Kapag STUDENT NURSE, yaan yung mga estudyanteng nag-aaral ng kursong nursing talaga. Yung mga NURSING STUDENT, yoon yung mga estudyanteng may mga anak na…”

Hindi namin alam ng aking kagrupo kung tatawa kami o ngingiwi na lang, pero dahil bumenta naman ang akala nami’y seryosong sagot, natawa kami (kamuntik pa nga na umappear kami sa doktor, feeling close naman diba? hehe).

Pahabol pa ni doc, “Kasi diba yung mga nanay na nagpapasuso at nag-aalaga ng mga anak, ang tawag doon NURSING diba?”

May point si Doc… Mas maganda nga naman pakinggan ang STUDENT NURSE. Kaya, binawi ko ang aking sagot. “AKO AY ISANG STUDENT NURSE.”

E kayo? NURSING STUDENT ba kayo o STUDENT NURSE?

I would just like to share my sentiments regarding our clinical rotations during this semester. Yes, I know its only the middle of the semester to conclude about our clinical rotations but I am a bit frustrated because we we’re informed that our rotations this semester will be on specialty areas, specifically, National Center for Mental Health (which we have gone through), San Lazaro Hospital (NOT and I believe we are the only one’s who haven’t had our duty there) and the Philippine Orthopedic Center (NOT again but instead, we had our duty at FEU-NRMF our base hospital but only in a medical ward pfft! I can’t find any connection!).

We had the most boring rotations we have ever had (except for VINES). I want action. Honestly, I can’t feel that I am on my senior year except for the fact that my Rizal and Speech classes demands like a dramatic play and a commercial endorsement for our midterm exam. LOL! Our rotations last for only 4 days with just plain vital signs and NCP( Nursing Care Plan) making. It’s like we are just paying for nothing.

I want to voice this out to our coordinators but I don’t even know their names, only their faces. We once had an Open Mic with our Dean but sadly, they just gave reasons that only made us nod and pretend that we’re fine with that. In that case, I proved that nurses are really good at giving RATIONALES. I can’t blame them because of the big population of nursing students at FEU (we are 2000+ in our batch).

With our rotations, nothing’s new except for the infection exposure we are experiencing (I don’t think that’s a great thing). But being a nurse, the positive side of that is we could strengthen our immune system and be resistant to those diseases.

This week, we are going to have our exposure at the Quezon Institute, which is known for respiratory diseases which make me conclude for the aforementioned statement again because our concept is now on Communicable Diseases.

Timing is just so busted because I currently have Coryza, which made me immunocompromised. My mom advised me to take vitamins but I hesitated because the last time I tried to double the dose of my Vitamin C, I turned out to be out of my mind. I constantly forget things and I become clumsy. I hate those adverse effects. To testify to that, my group mates also share the same experience as mine. LOL!

Anyway, I hope few rotations that our group will going to have will be at least fruitful just to feel that our tuition fee is worth paying and just to feel that we are in our senior year. I hope somebody’s listening to my concern.

Please bear with my SARCASM.

Kanina, habang ako ay nakasakay sa pampasaherong dyip at binabaybay ko ang aking byaheng pauwi, may isang musmos na batang sumakay sa dyip at nagpunas ng mga maduduming sapatos (o tsinelas) ng mga pasaherong nananahimik (o natutulog) at nakatingin sa kawalan. Bigla na lamang nagugulat ang mga pasaherong dinadaplisan ng kamay niyang hawak ang isang madumi at maliit na basahan. Ngunit, isang bagay na nakapagpapukaw sa aking atensyon ay ang pamilyar na mukha niyang taglay. Siya rin pala ang batang madalas na umaangkas sa bawat dyip na aking nasasakyan sa araw-araw na aking pagpasok at pag-uwi sa eskwela.

Laking pasasalamat ko at hindi niya inaabot ang aking puting sapatos (bagkus ito lamang ay kanyang marurumihan dahil sa ilang sapatos na ang nadaanan ng kanyang nag-iisang basahan) ngunit kanina ay sinawimpalad ang aking sapatos (pasalamat na lamang ako at hindi ako nakaputing uniporme). Hindi lamang niya naistorbo ang aking katahimikan at pagmumuni-muni sa byahe kundi nagdulot pa siya ng isang malaking pagkainis.

Mula 5th avenue (Caloocan City) hanggang Monumento ay kinakalabit niya ang aking binti dahil siya ay nanghihingi ng isang pisong limos. Tinitiis ko ang kanyang paulit-ulit na pangangalabit at pag ako’y napapalingon ay tinuturo niya ang kanyang marungis na bibig. Siya daw ay nagugutom na. Sa kadahilanang hindi ko siya binigyan ng limos ay may naawang isang ale at binigyan siya ng barya. Ngunit, hindi pa nagpaawat ang pobreng bata dahil tila gusto niya yata na manggaling sa akin ang piso na kanyang hinihingi. Naisip ko, aanhin niya ang piso ko para sa nasayang na oras sa kanyang pangungulit sa akin na sana’y naipalimos na niya sa iba? Marahil ay mayroon lamang siyang pinagdidiskitahan na tao sa tuwing mamimili siya ng dyip na masasakyan (malas ko lamang o siya, na ako iyon). Hindi ako nagpadala sa pagmamakaawa ng batang iyon dahil kilala ko na ang batang iyon. Alam na alam ko na ang kanyang istilo sa pamamalimos. Ang una’t huli kong binitiwang salita sa kanya ay “Doon ka manghingi sa nanay mo….”. Patuloy parin siyang nangangalabit at pansin ko na lumalakas ito. Hindi na ako kumibo at tumingin na lamang sa bintana ng dyip at nagtiis hanggang siya ay bumaba.

Kahit kailan ay hindi ako nagbigay ng limos sa mga pulubi (sa aking pagkakaalala). Sila man ay bata o matanda, may kapansanan o wala. Maaari sigurong makapagbigay ako sa may mga kapansanan ngunit kahit kailan ay hindi ako magbibigay sa mga batang musmos dahil naniniwala ako na hindi dapat nila ito ginagawa. Mayroon silang mga magulang na dapat ay nagbibigay ng kanilang mga pangangailangan. Naniniwala din ako na patuloy lamang silang mamamalimos at malamang ay uutusang mamalimos hanggat may mga taong nagbibigay ng limos. Hindi tayo nakakatulong sapagkat hindi sila magigising sa katotohanan na dapat ay maghanap sila ng mas marangal at katanggap-tanggap na gawain o trabaho (para sa mga magulang o matatanda) upang makaraos sa pangaraw-araw na buhay.

Akin ding naiisip na isa lamang akong estudyante at umaasa sa aking mga magulang upang magkaroon ng pera panggastos araw-araw para sa eskwela. Hindi dapat ako ang nagbibigay ng pangkain nila sa pangaraw-araw. Hindi dapat ako ang pumupuno sa kanilang mga pangangailangan. Ang bawat piso na aking hinahawakan ay katumbas ng balde-baldeng dugo’t pawis ng aking ina. Sa panahon ngayon, ni hindi ka nga makakakita manlang piso sa daan. Ang masasabi ko lamang ay mahirap kumita ng pera. Kung tutuusin, tinuturuan lamang natin silang umasa sa madaling paraan ng paghahanapbuhay. Kaunting kalabit at arte lamang ay bibigay na agad ang mga malalambot na puso ng mga Pilipino at dudukot ng kaunting barya sa kanila ring mga butas na bulsa. Nasasanay sila na sa ganoong paraan lamang ay magkakaroon na sila ng pera ng walang kahirap-hirap (instant kumbaga). Maaari naman sigurong magbigay kung minsan subalit tila ay umaabuso na ang mga namamalimos na iyan. Kung minsan ay magagalit sila na barya lamang ang iyong ibinibigay. Hindi sila nakukuntento na ganoon lamang ang iyong inabot. Mayroon pang iba na hihingiin na ang pagkaing kinakain mo at pipilitin ka pang magbigay ng kaunting barya. Mayroon pa na susundan ka kung saan man at hindi ka titigilan hanggang hindi sila makapalimos sa iyo. Madudumihan ka na, maaabala ka pa (Jahe diba? lalo na kapag nagmamadali ka sa iyong pupuntahan).

Hindi rason ang pagiging mangmang sa pamamalimos. Pare-parehas tayong binigyan ng kanya-kanyang lakas upang makaraos sa pangaraw-araw. Mautak lamang sila at doon nila naisip na gamitin ang kanilang lakas. Na ang kanilang puhunan ay ang sarili nilang kaawa-awang sitwasyon. Maraming mga namamalimos na iba-iba ang kanilang mga istilo may iba na ginagamit ang kinalang mga anak, ginagamit ang kanilang kapansanan, kung minsan ay nanghihingi ng pera dahil kulang ang kanilang pamasahe para makauwi at kung ano-ano pa. Kung tutuusin, pwede tayong mamamalimos pero bakit tayo magpapakaburo sa ganoong klase ng buhay hindi ba?

Naaawa ako sa mga batang kailangang gawin ang mga ganoong bagay. Ngunit hindi ito sapat upang bigyan ko sila ng limos. Gusto ko silang pagsabihan, gusto ko silang tulungan sa ibang paraan ngunit pakiwari ko’y wala pa ako sa tamang lugar para gawin iyon. Kinamumuhian ko ang mga magulang nila. Nasaan ang kanilang responsibilidad? Nasaan ang kanilang mga gampanin? Ang matinong magulang ay hindi hinahayaan na maglaboy ang kanilang mga anak sa mga delikadong daan. Ang matinong magulang ay pinupunan ang mga pangangailangan ng kanilang mga anak.

Matatawag bang swapang o madamot ang isang taong pinaninindigan lamang ang kanyang mga prinsipyo sa buhay?

Matatawag ba akong matapobre kung sa aking pananaw ay hindi ganoon ang tamang pagtulong sa kapwa?

Nagkakasala ba ako sa Diyos sa ginawa kong iyon?

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip sa akin ng mga ibang nakasakay sa dyip na iyon, ngunit wala akong pakialam dahil gusto kong pangatawanan ang aking prinsipyo. Sa uuliting makita ko ang batang iyon, kung kakayanin ng aking lakas ng loob ay pagsasabihan ko siya. Sana maintindihan niya ako.

Aking hiling na sana may gawin ang mga may kinauukulan hinggil sa usaping ito. Hindi dapat ganito ang buhay na kinakaharap nila. Matagal ko ng ninanais na magsulat tungkol dito. Paumanhin dahil hindi ko na kinaya ang aking pagtitimpi. Ayaw ko na manahimik na lamang at kunsintihin ang mga ganoong klasing tao. Hindi ito para matahin ang mga nakakababa, hindi ito para laitin o kutyain ang mga mahihirap. Wala ako sa posisyon upang gawin iyon dahil wala naman akong sinabi sa mundong ito. Ang nais ko lamang ay pantay na pamumuhay dito sa mundong ibinigay sa atin ng Diyos.

Ngayon, Ibibigay ko na sa inyo ang kapangyarihang manghusga.

I always envision myself as a registered nurse since I took up B.S Nursing. I even affix “R.N” after my name (which is indeed a violation) and see if it sounds good. Also, I always put the phrase “Future RN” in one of my accounts on the web. To my delight, yes, it does fit my name so good. It even feels good.

However, during my VINES rotation, there was a sudden change of cold weather.

It brought deaths of my patients… (dummies considered as real patients)

Then, I found a new profession…

“RM” a Registered Murderer (instead of RN, which is a Registered Nurse)
(We joked about it but on the other side, it isn’t funny)

From Day 1 to Day 4, I wasn’t able to save lives. All the patients who needs resuscitation was left not resuscitated despite of all the efforts because of a few little mistakes.

I killed Hal (refer to my previous post)
I killed the baby with a case of cord prolapse (but I saved the mother, being a high-risk pregnant)
I killed another baby who coded after delivery (it should be Pedi Blue but he wasn’t available during our simulation)

Fatality with just simple mistakes pffft! Mistakes that I won’t elaborate anymore.

I REALLY NEED TO STUDY AND IMPROVE MY CRITICAL THINKING

(during simulations and not just on theories)

My time being a student is not getting any longer. Oh well, at least I learned. Next time, I will be very careful with my actions because in the near future, DUMMY TIME IS OVER.

I killed a person today.

I thought what I know was enough to revive Hal but I was wrong. I let him die— well, our group let him die.

Our group was assigned to the FEU-VINES (Virtual Integrated Nursing Education Simulation) Laboratory for our duty on Acute Biologic Crisis concept and with this concept, we will going to simulate a cardio-pulmonary resuscitation to the mannequin named HAL. The scenario was, the client was coding (with our clinical instructor controlling his status) and we should revive him the best way we could according to what was taught to us.

During the simulation, we have given too much epinephrine to Hal without the interval of 3-5 minutes that made him more critical and so, still with constant compressing and hyperventilating, at times defibrillating, our clinical instructor just said, ok Post Mortem (meaning, we didn’t revived him.) Then, stopped and pronounced the time of death.

My critical mind tells me, “We we’re used to our AHSE (Associate in Health and Science Education) days to just assume things and not “really” do the procedure that is why we forgot to say “After 3 minutes blah blah blah…” which killed Hal. I learned that “To assume is a mortal sin.” Also, our adrenaline rush and increase of our excitatory neurotransmitters leads us to forgetting things. — That was I, using Rationalization.

Though Hal is just a mannequin, he was still my patient and I was frustrated because our efforts was not enough to revive him as much as we do want him to survive. (In VINES laboratory, mannequins are treated as “real” persons).

I was on mixed emotions because I felt like a real nurse (we are even called “junior nurses”) in that scenario but I was saddened by the fact that we didn’t revived him. I enjoyed the simulation because I learned a lot of things but I was dismayed for the little mistakes we’ve made. Nevertheless, this will make me to bear all the things I’ve learned today in my heart and not repeat the same mistake over again.

Don’t worry. I am Ok now. =)

Far Eastern University, Institute of Nursing has this rotation of schedules for duties and lectures. They shift schedules every grading period to rotate the students equally in their clinical exposure and not to come in conflict with their lecture days. Two days will be spent for lecture, three days for clinical exposure and one day for our rest day.

Last preliminary period, I have a Monday-Wednesday duty days and Friday-Saturday lecture days which make Thurdays a rest day for me which I haven’t felt because of busy schedule.
Now that we are on the Midterm period, my schedule is now Monday-Tuesday lecture days and Wednesday-Friday duty days, which make Saturdays my rest day. It’s a good thing for I can rest for two consecutive days considering that the next day is Sunday.

If you would connect this blog entry to my “E-learning Blues” post, Saturdays are now my E-learning day and I was able to attend it. Finally! Though I arrived late, I was able to finish at least 2 topics. I was somewhat dismayed when I learned that the E-learning people closed the module that I am previously doing which means that I can’t continue it anymore and gives me a 0(Zero) mark on each quizzes in that particular module. Poor me! Anyway, I will try to finish the module that I am into right now which is about Acute Biologic Crisis.

Congratulate me for I have attended my E-learning the second time! LOL! *claps for me… I have my e-learning schedule on all Saturdays of August. Hopefully (Again…) I can attend to all of those.

Inkling:
What a long introduction… BOW!

Each of us desires to have a stable family of their own. We dreamt of a perfect family we could ever even fathom. I am sure everyone knows that a family comprises of a father a mother and a child or better, children. I can clearly remember of how my grade school teacher wrote the word FAMILY in the blackboard one sunny day. It was bold and capitalized. She finished it with an underline and said that it literally meant Father, Mother, I Love You but what if one of them is out of the picture? then, here comes the tough part. Broken families… could it still be called a family or just another “group of people”?

Incomplete, Abandoned, Unwanted, Discriminated, Separated, Imperfect, Unfortunate, Broken… those were the words connected to a family who has fallen apart, this is the social stigma attached to them. A family is supposed to be intact, united, loving and nourishing but due to some instances, it doesn’t. Living in a modern world today, I am aware of the many families crashing down. I have friends and I have myself to testify to that. Failed marriages, Unwanted pregnancies, Illegitimacies are the most common reasons for this. Yes, I am from a broken home. Some keep it as a secret because of the aforementioned reasons, they are shy and ashamed but I chose not to.

For 9 years now, I have been living with my hardworking, persistent and loving mother, who is a mother and father all in one for us. She has the most amazing and challenging job in the world being a solo parent. She never fails to provide us with everything though I know she is having a hard time considering that she doesn’t receive any help from my father but she always manage. I really admire her for that.

(more…)

The most common thing or if I may say the only thing that people answer when you ask them about Jose Rizal is that he is our national hero— idol and he is found in our 1-peso coin— icon. Sad to say that, in our modern times today, people have very limited knowledge about our national hero. The facts above are the only two things most of us know about Jose Rizal but for historians and experts; they have so much adjectives to connect with our national hero.

Bayaning Third World, a “detective” story about Rizal being Philippine’s National Hero. Commenting on the movie per se, at first I thought it was some boring documentary about Rizal but understanding the facts exposed made me interested. The film was in black and white but it didn’t hindered my amusement because of the funny way they presented the most serious facts about Rizal. The movie was easy to understand if you were able to read about his life story or if you have tackled his life in your Filipino or Rizal subject but if not, you may get confused. Good thing, I have read and we have tackled his life in our lecture— that helped me follow through the film. This film also highlighted Rizal being a “Pilosopo” which reflected the Filipino attitude both in a good and not so good way. They also showed Rizal’s letters and documents which was commonly taken for granted to unveil the truth about his controversies. The movie made it “viewer-friendly” by face to face interviews with the persons involved and that is why I appreciated Rizal’s significant others behind their names.

(more…)

Just an update from my E-learning blues…

Sadly, I wasn’t able to attend again because of heavy rains, interrupted LRT operation, also the main purpose of me going to school are my group mates whom incidentally are not there also, I have to get something from them and so I didn’t attend. Actually, I was ready to go to school, I has holding my money and ready to go out of the rain when I learned that they weren’t there, I immediately retrieve.

My mom was able to read my blog about this. She knew that I am not attending this class because at times, she is also here at home… She read my post in front of me and then she just said…

“Dianne, umattend ka na nga, binabayaran ko yan ehh…”

and so, my conscience bugged me so much and that I said to her…

“Oo, sige sa susunod na schedule aattend na ko…”

Hopefully, I can attend it already… I am soooooo hoping… =)